dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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