Can i not drive my cunt home
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
