my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
