so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no you cant smoke seaweed
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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