GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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