I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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