20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so much tequila, so little girl.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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