you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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