Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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