Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
