I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
