kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
