Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
