I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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