I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
