I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
