if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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