too bad you live with your parents still
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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