So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
