I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
