I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
