Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
