You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize