i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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