Need sex. Gaining weight.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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