Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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