Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
