apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
