Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
