how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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