PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
