Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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