Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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