So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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