all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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