Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
