i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
