Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
