U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
