at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
