just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who died my cat blue again?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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