Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
