i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
