I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
