can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
