Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
