I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
