I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
