he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
