I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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