My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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