as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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