hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
