NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
