Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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