Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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