I think I died a long time ago.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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