My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
