I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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