Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
