Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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