I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize