I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
