In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
