Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
