He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
