I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I could make wine with my vomit
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
