I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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