My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
