does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am puke
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
