Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
