Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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