My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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